Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
