best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
