dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
