Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
