Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My vagina is officially offended.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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