Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Randomize
