you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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