well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
