I'm pants shitting drunk right now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just invented taco cereal.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
