I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
