i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
