he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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