I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
