We're facebook friends in real life
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
