When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
