Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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