You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
