On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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