she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
how does that bad decision feel?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
