Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
