and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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