It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
