Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
