i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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