If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
