Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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