she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
