He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
