I CAN MOONWALK!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
