I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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