better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
