Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
