I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
