my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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