Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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