went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
