we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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