My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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