just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
