I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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