So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
