Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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