just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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