Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
