She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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