The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
