Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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