tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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