i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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