I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Who died my cat blue again?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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