So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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