can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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